My sphere of influence is minuscule and the vast majority of those who occupy that sphere are politically conservative ..... therefore, I need some liberal input. Because .... I have questions.
Many conservative talk/news show hosts say this about you. I would like to know if it's true.
Do you really believe .....
1. Republicans are either dumb or evil?
2. More government involvement in our lives is good. By this I mean government welfare assistance, fees, regulations, and social programs and the millions of government employees involved?
3. Barack Obama is always honest?
4. Republicans are anti-immigration?
5. The more people who move into our country (legally or illegally) the better? We're talking open borders.
6. Stricter gun laws will keep criminals from getting guns?
7. There is no value in a human fetus if the mother chooses to abort it .... other than, possibly for research?
8. War IS terrorism? (I saw this on a bumper sticker today.)
9. The government should be providing more jobs?
10. Free speech should only be allowed when no one is offended?
11. There is no difference between males and females when parenting a child? Two moms or two dads is equal to a mom and a dad, assuming all are equally loving and functional?
12. Global climate change is the most serious problem we face today?
13. America has a significant problem with racism, meaning the oppression of Blacks?
14. Religion is unnecessary, obsolete, silly, problematic, or dangerous?
15. Conservatives do not care about the poor and needy?
16. Republicans oppress women?
17. The growing national debt is not a concern?
I have little hope of getting answers because ..... well, as I said ..... my sphere. But on the slight chance one person with liberal opinions reads this, I hope they will see that my questions are not impassioned nor worded in a gotcha fashion. Again, I simply want to know if what I hear is true.
Thanks.
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Stop it now ...... the misrepresentation of the LDS handbook change
Yesterday I read an opinion piece by a former Mormon, Kate Kendell, that sent me on a rant. Sorry to my husband who was with me at the time .... he had to hear the brunt of it.
Yes, I know as a Christian I should have more patience, but people are really getting on my nerves about this new addition to the LDS Handbook of Instructions, regarding children of gay parents and apostasy.
I see words from the disaffected and axe-grinders, like ..... rejecting children, disavowing parents, discrimination, exclusion, and even bigotry and hate.
Stop it. Stop it now.
I wrote a stern response to that article, but the site wouldn't accept it. It said I was registered via my email address under a different user name, then said they didn't have my email address in their records. Hence, I gave up and am posting my comment here:
"Ms. Kendell -- What do you expect the Church to do?? Should minor children of gay parents be taught the doctrine of the Family Proclamation .... possibly causing confusion and conflict in their home? Don't you see that the Church is respecting the parents' choices by stepping back and allowing them to raise their children as they... THEY, not the Church... have chosen. These children can have all blessings they desire eventually, if they choose. The Lord will not forget nor forsake them. And NO WAY are they expected to EVER disavow their parents.
The LDS Church does not choose its doctrine. It is as it has always been concerning morality and heterosexual marriage. This is how a God-run religion works. Either we choose the tenets, or God does. His rules are strict yet ultimately for our good. Ms. Kendell, you apparently do not understand this. I wish you did.
Finally, apostates ARE welcome to attend LDS services as long as they don't recruit or teach opposing beliefs and the door is always open for their return to full membership.
Ms. Kendell, your readers deserve that which you did not give them ..... the truth."
I would have said soooooo much more, but there was a size limit.
Some things to remember:
1. The LDS Church does NOT teach that homosexuality is a choice. Neither does it teach that the attraction is a sin. Please.Know.That. BUT it DOES teach that homosexual BEHAVIOR is sinful. This is easily supported in the Bible and we regard the Bible as divine scripture.
2. We are a God-led people. We do not make the rules .... He does. It is true He loves us all. But He does not love all we do.
3. Families are the core of our gospel. We are the most pro-family religion out there, because we believe God has given us a way for families to BE forever. No other church does that, as far as I know.
I see this change in the handbook as an effort to not promote discord in the families of gay parents. I see this as an unfortunate solution for an unfortunate situation that the parents created. The child has most likely already gone through upheaval from the separation of his/her biological parents. The child does not need further pain for his/her current family. Let them grow up honoring their parents throughout their lives ...... and if they choose baptism as adults, they can disavow homosexual behavior all the while continuing their love and association with their parents. It's possible. People have done it.
4. Of course gay marriage is apostasy. It's a direct and willful violation of our doctrine. That is the very definition of the word. And of course one must agree to honor our doctrine before baptism.
Ms. Kendell wrote about a lesbian couple who attended an LDS congregation with the bishop's blessing. Now, she says, they will be booted out. On what planet?? We are a church of sinners trying to overcome our own weaknesses. All of us. Should we all be booted? Our church is our hospital. To any gay person or couple or family, the door is wide open and arms are ready to embrace.
Anyone with same sex attraction has my deepest sympathy. I do not understand it and can hardly think of anything more difficult. Their choices for staying within LDS membership are to live alone in celibacy, or marry someone of the opposite sex in spite of their attraction. The latter is risky but some have done it successfully. In some cases ..... and don't let anyone tell you this is not possible ...... people have overcome it and live a heterosexual lifestyle. But we do NOT judge those who can't. And all honest people deserve respect and fair treatment under the law.
Above all, we believe in a verrrrrrry looooong life after this one. Like ..... forever. Wedged into the core of our doctrine along with families, is the Atonement. The Lord Jesus Christ took upon himself all our sins, weaknesses, pain, and fears ....... and IT IS POSSIBLE for each of us to eventually be free from them all and to live joyful and self-authentic lives within the Lord's boundaries. That IS the whole point. There is no other way. The Lord did his part, now it's up to us to be repentant, humble, and faithful. And if complete happiness must temporarily elude us in this brief mortal period of our eternal existence, then we know it will come in the next. We will, through the Atonement, lack for nothing. Nothing! We just sometimes have to wait ...... and my heart breaks for those who must do so. Nevertheless, the Holy Ghost is called the Comforter for a reason and we are all here to love, support, and encourage each other through our individual battles. I cannot accept that God will turn His back on any of His children who are suffering. The purpose of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is to help us ALL to avoid damaging or limiting the rest of our eternity. Any and all responsible religions should be doing the same.
Yes, I know as a Christian I should have more patience, but people are really getting on my nerves about this new addition to the LDS Handbook of Instructions, regarding children of gay parents and apostasy.
I see words from the disaffected and axe-grinders, like ..... rejecting children, disavowing parents, discrimination, exclusion, and even bigotry and hate.
Stop it. Stop it now.
I wrote a stern response to that article, but the site wouldn't accept it. It said I was registered via my email address under a different user name, then said they didn't have my email address in their records. Hence, I gave up and am posting my comment here:
"Ms. Kendell -- What do you expect the Church to do?? Should minor children of gay parents be taught the doctrine of the Family Proclamation .... possibly causing confusion and conflict in their home? Don't you see that the Church is respecting the parents' choices by stepping back and allowing them to raise their children as they... THEY, not the Church... have chosen. These children can have all blessings they desire eventually, if they choose. The Lord will not forget nor forsake them. And NO WAY are they expected to EVER disavow their parents.
The LDS Church does not choose its doctrine. It is as it has always been concerning morality and heterosexual marriage. This is how a God-run religion works. Either we choose the tenets, or God does. His rules are strict yet ultimately for our good. Ms. Kendell, you apparently do not understand this. I wish you did.
Finally, apostates ARE welcome to attend LDS services as long as they don't recruit or teach opposing beliefs and the door is always open for their return to full membership.
Ms. Kendell, your readers deserve that which you did not give them ..... the truth."
I would have said soooooo much more, but there was a size limit.
Some things to remember:
1. The LDS Church does NOT teach that homosexuality is a choice. Neither does it teach that the attraction is a sin. Please.Know.That. BUT it DOES teach that homosexual BEHAVIOR is sinful. This is easily supported in the Bible and we regard the Bible as divine scripture.
2. We are a God-led people. We do not make the rules .... He does. It is true He loves us all. But He does not love all we do.
3. Families are the core of our gospel. We are the most pro-family religion out there, because we believe God has given us a way for families to BE forever. No other church does that, as far as I know.
I see this change in the handbook as an effort to not promote discord in the families of gay parents. I see this as an unfortunate solution for an unfortunate situation that the parents created. The child has most likely already gone through upheaval from the separation of his/her biological parents. The child does not need further pain for his/her current family. Let them grow up honoring their parents throughout their lives ...... and if they choose baptism as adults, they can disavow homosexual behavior all the while continuing their love and association with their parents. It's possible. People have done it.
4. Of course gay marriage is apostasy. It's a direct and willful violation of our doctrine. That is the very definition of the word. And of course one must agree to honor our doctrine before baptism.
Ms. Kendell wrote about a lesbian couple who attended an LDS congregation with the bishop's blessing. Now, she says, they will be booted out. On what planet?? We are a church of sinners trying to overcome our own weaknesses. All of us. Should we all be booted? Our church is our hospital. To any gay person or couple or family, the door is wide open and arms are ready to embrace.
Anyone with same sex attraction has my deepest sympathy. I do not understand it and can hardly think of anything more difficult. Their choices for staying within LDS membership are to live alone in celibacy, or marry someone of the opposite sex in spite of their attraction. The latter is risky but some have done it successfully. In some cases ..... and don't let anyone tell you this is not possible ...... people have overcome it and live a heterosexual lifestyle. But we do NOT judge those who can't. And all honest people deserve respect and fair treatment under the law.
Above all, we believe in a verrrrrrry looooong life after this one. Like ..... forever. Wedged into the core of our doctrine along with families, is the Atonement. The Lord Jesus Christ took upon himself all our sins, weaknesses, pain, and fears ....... and IT IS POSSIBLE for each of us to eventually be free from them all and to live joyful and self-authentic lives within the Lord's boundaries. That IS the whole point. There is no other way. The Lord did his part, now it's up to us to be repentant, humble, and faithful. And if complete happiness must temporarily elude us in this brief mortal period of our eternal existence, then we know it will come in the next. We will, through the Atonement, lack for nothing. Nothing! We just sometimes have to wait ...... and my heart breaks for those who must do so. Nevertheless, the Holy Ghost is called the Comforter for a reason and we are all here to love, support, and encourage each other through our individual battles. I cannot accept that God will turn His back on any of His children who are suffering. The purpose of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is to help us ALL to avoid damaging or limiting the rest of our eternity. Any and all responsible religions should be doing the same.
Monday, August 31, 2015
Teammates
For six years until "retiring" at age 60, I was a runner. During those years I ran in seven long-distance relays on teams of twelve, in addition to many non-team races. Those were some of the most exciting and transforming years of my life. I had never before really participated in sports nor experienced being on a team. Until then, I didn't even like athletics. But that all changed the day I began to run.
Recently, I was chatting with a young man who had been one of my teammates in my first relay, six years ago. We both shared how much we loved the experience and in spite of the vast difference between our ages, I will always feel a bond with him and everyone else with whom I had ever been teamed together.
In a relay, as runners would start one of their "legs" -- the term for the sections of the race each person runs -- their teammates would drive by and honk and cheer them on, as they'd head to the next "exchange" where their next runner would wait to take the "baton". When the first runner dragged in gasping and sweating, there'd be more clapping and cheers, both for him/her and for the new runner starting out. I remember feeling such a love for them all. We were in this together, each doing our part.
Some of the legs included long grueling hills, and we'd stop the van at the top to cheer our runner up and over.
We'd sometimes write messages in chalk on the road. "GO ______, YOU ARE AWESOME!!" We'd be there to offer water if needed, or mist from a spray bottle to cool them off.
Many times, teams helped other teams. I remember waiting for one of our runners to come in from a long, hot leg and a van carrying another team pulled up and said they'd given her water a few miles back and she was doing well. I have been offered water and encouragement by other teams, as I struggled up hills. One time a brightly-costumed team of strangers saluted me with an arch as I finished my leg.
I may not always remember the names of all my former teammates, but the bond will live on. We experienced something hard and wonderful together and forevermore, whenever our future paths may cross, we may hug, high-five, or just smile and laugh while we reminisce. Several times I've seen strangers out running wearing the T-shirt from a relay in which I had also run, and I wanted to wave and let them know we had been there together!
Mortality is a tiny snapshot of our eternal existence. We lived long before we came to this earth and we will live long into eternity after we leave it. The number of souls who came here before us, and the souls who will occupy this planet after us, is countless. But the number who were here, when you and I were here, is finite. And that group, is our team.
Eons from now, I imagine many encounters with others who lived on earth during the different eras of history ... some during the days of Moses, some during the Renaissance, some after my lifetime. What stories we'll share! And when I meet up with someone who was here when I was here ..... who lived through the same world events that I did ..... there will be a commonality .... a bond. Maybe we will hug or high-five, laugh or cry over our shared memories. Because we were here together, breathing the same air, working through our mortality in tandem, sharing the earth for a few overlapping years. Our struggles, pain, and fears coincided with our victories and triumphs in the same generation.
Of all the billions of souls placed here briefly by our Heavenly Father -- those who lived their mortality when I lived my mortality, are part of my team.....
So we'll pull each other up the hills and give each other water in the heat .... and cheer each other across the finish line .... bonded forever as teammates.
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Planned Parenthood
Typically this blog sits quietly for weeks or months without a new post. But sometimes posts write themselves and the timing is not always mine. So here goes .....
I am incredulous about the recent Planned Parenthood scandal in which fetuses ..... unborn human babies .... are killed and their organs and tissue are sold to bio-research companies.
In spite of polls showing that a significant portion of the population believes abortion is morally wrong, particularly in the second and third trimesters, those people are called "right wing extremists". Really?? But here's a question ......
If PP insists that the majority of the services they provide are for women's health, such as cancer screenings, then WHY call themselves PLANNED PARENTHOOD? The title alone, denotes the conception of a child -- either to assist in it, prevent it, or curtail it. If they wish to downplay their involvement in the abortion business and promote their role in other health issues, why not start with a different name like .... for lack of a more creative idea ..... WOMEN'S HEALTH SERVICES? And another question .....
When the cries go out from all those nasty "extremists", about stopping government funding (AKA tax dollars) for abortions, WHY does PP immediately claim that ALL their services are about to be thrown under the proverbial bus? Case in point, see Sen. Elizabeth Warren's deceptive speech defending PP.
And a little honesty from PP's vice president, Dawn Laguens, in a recent CNN interview would help as well. She insists PP only receives reimbursement for expenses for extracting and storing "fetal tissue". There is no profit, she says, and the doctors who are seen in the videos wouldn't be involved in determining the cost. That, she said, would happen in the accounting or administrative departments. Then WHY are those doctors discussing the exchange of money? And not one word from Ms. Laguens about the illegality of altering the abortion procedure to salvage the in-demand and marketable body parts, as is clearly happening, according to one video. We are left to only wonder what she has to say about that.
And let's talk about the justification of "harvesting fetal tissue". It's used in medical research and may eventually help to save lives. It may lead to the cure for cancer or other health crises. Maybe. But to what level have we sunk? Consider the cost. Is extending my life worth the cost of someone else's life? Is my health more valuable, more precious than that of someone who has no voice ..... who is completely helpless ..... and the most innocent of all humanity? It's one thing to valiantly and heroically sacrifice your life to save another .... it's quite another thing to forcefully take a life without the consent of the one giving it.
Finally, why is one 17 week old fetus valued as priceless and another 17 week old fetus deemed disposable, as determined solely by the woman who carries it?
Heaven help us .....what have we become?
I am incredulous about the recent Planned Parenthood scandal in which fetuses ..... unborn human babies .... are killed and their organs and tissue are sold to bio-research companies.
In spite of polls showing that a significant portion of the population believes abortion is morally wrong, particularly in the second and third trimesters, those people are called "right wing extremists". Really?? But here's a question ......
If PP insists that the majority of the services they provide are for women's health, such as cancer screenings, then WHY call themselves PLANNED PARENTHOOD? The title alone, denotes the conception of a child -- either to assist in it, prevent it, or curtail it. If they wish to downplay their involvement in the abortion business and promote their role in other health issues, why not start with a different name like .... for lack of a more creative idea ..... WOMEN'S HEALTH SERVICES? And another question .....
When the cries go out from all those nasty "extremists", about stopping government funding (AKA tax dollars) for abortions, WHY does PP immediately claim that ALL their services are about to be thrown under the proverbial bus? Case in point, see Sen. Elizabeth Warren's deceptive speech defending PP.
And a little honesty from PP's vice president, Dawn Laguens, in a recent CNN interview would help as well. She insists PP only receives reimbursement for expenses for extracting and storing "fetal tissue". There is no profit, she says, and the doctors who are seen in the videos wouldn't be involved in determining the cost. That, she said, would happen in the accounting or administrative departments. Then WHY are those doctors discussing the exchange of money? And not one word from Ms. Laguens about the illegality of altering the abortion procedure to salvage the in-demand and marketable body parts, as is clearly happening, according to one video. We are left to only wonder what she has to say about that.
And let's talk about the justification of "harvesting fetal tissue". It's used in medical research and may eventually help to save lives. It may lead to the cure for cancer or other health crises. Maybe. But to what level have we sunk? Consider the cost. Is extending my life worth the cost of someone else's life? Is my health more valuable, more precious than that of someone who has no voice ..... who is completely helpless ..... and the most innocent of all humanity? It's one thing to valiantly and heroically sacrifice your life to save another .... it's quite another thing to forcefully take a life without the consent of the one giving it.
Finally, why is one 17 week old fetus valued as priceless and another 17 week old fetus deemed disposable, as determined solely by the woman who carries it?
Heaven help us .....what have we become?
Happy or good?
Which would you rather your children be?
Until recently I thought I wanted my kids to be happy, regardless of what they achieve or experience in life. As long as they are happy, what else matters ..... right?
But I've come to realize that happiness can, in our muddled mortal brains, be subjective. What an individual perceives as happiness, may be something less than its potential.
Among the tenets of my religion are that our ultimate goal is happiness. "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy." (2 Nephi 2:25, Book of Mormon) And yet we are also warned ..... "Wickedness never was happiness." (Alma 41:10, Book of Mormon)
Many people live in a state of wickedness, (meaning a life contrary to God's plan) intentionally or otherwise, and claim to be happy.
But are they really happy? And will they still be happy .... tomorrow?
Again, what do you wish for your kids ..... to be happy or to be good? Sometimes, in this life, it seems like we can't always have both.
Although I, like all parents, yearn deeply for my children to be happy today, tomorrow, next week, next month and each minute thereafter ...... I must side with goodness when it's an either/or situation. Goodness trumps happiness. And sometimes goodness doesn't result in happiness right away. Sometimes goodness brings pain, struggle, disruption, and a truck load of sacrifice. Sometimes goodness brings sadness .... for a while.
That's where faith enters in. Faith is believing in the unseen ..... and happiness may be that which we don't yet see. Faith assures us that it will come ..... genuine, eternal, God-like happiness. The Real Deal that lasts forever, recognizable because of its eternal companion -- Peacefulness. Not the fleeting counterfeit with which Satan baits his hook.
So that's what I hope for my kids. The Real Deal. And the God we believe in, mercifully encircles us with glimmers and snippets of the joy to come ..... as we determine in all our mortal clumsiness, to trust Him. Because He knows the Real Deal. And He, as the Father He truly is, yearns deeply for us, His children, to have it too. And considering how wonderful those glimmers and snippets are ..... it's going to be incredibly worth it.
Until recently I thought I wanted my kids to be happy, regardless of what they achieve or experience in life. As long as they are happy, what else matters ..... right?
But I've come to realize that happiness can, in our muddled mortal brains, be subjective. What an individual perceives as happiness, may be something less than its potential.
Among the tenets of my religion are that our ultimate goal is happiness. "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy." (2 Nephi 2:25, Book of Mormon) And yet we are also warned ..... "Wickedness never was happiness." (Alma 41:10, Book of Mormon)
Many people live in a state of wickedness, (meaning a life contrary to God's plan) intentionally or otherwise, and claim to be happy.
But are they really happy? And will they still be happy .... tomorrow?
Again, what do you wish for your kids ..... to be happy or to be good? Sometimes, in this life, it seems like we can't always have both.
Although I, like all parents, yearn deeply for my children to be happy today, tomorrow, next week, next month and each minute thereafter ...... I must side with goodness when it's an either/or situation. Goodness trumps happiness. And sometimes goodness doesn't result in happiness right away. Sometimes goodness brings pain, struggle, disruption, and a truck load of sacrifice. Sometimes goodness brings sadness .... for a while.
That's where faith enters in. Faith is believing in the unseen ..... and happiness may be that which we don't yet see. Faith assures us that it will come ..... genuine, eternal, God-like happiness. The Real Deal that lasts forever, recognizable because of its eternal companion -- Peacefulness. Not the fleeting counterfeit with which Satan baits his hook.
So that's what I hope for my kids. The Real Deal. And the God we believe in, mercifully encircles us with glimmers and snippets of the joy to come ..... as we determine in all our mortal clumsiness, to trust Him. Because He knows the Real Deal. And He, as the Father He truly is, yearns deeply for us, His children, to have it too. And considering how wonderful those glimmers and snippets are ..... it's going to be incredibly worth it.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
On the other hand .... More thoughts on gay marriage
Feeling sadness. Not just about the frightening changes happening in our land, but for those people who were placed, at birth, on an almost impossibly rough road through mortality. It's said the vast majority did not choose this road, and logic must agree.
Here I sit, on my high horse, absolutely smothered in blessings that bring me joy and hope. I was allowed to marry the person with whom I fell in love while the world smiled upon our union. We were able to create a family and raise our children together and now happily watch them repeat the pattern. The majority of my life has been textbook-"normal", right out of a sixties sitcom.
So who am I to judge someone who was dealt a different set of cards? Someone who simply wants the same blessings that were given to me.
If I was gay, I'd want what I have now. I'd yearn for it. I might have even fought for it. I'd want the same love and companionship that I have now. I'd want normalcy. I'd want acceptance. I'd want to be a mother.
Yes, I believe in God and that He has the answer. I just don't know, exactly, what it is yet. I believe that, through my faith and religion, I have access to all answers .... or will have .... eventually. But for those people who don't know about that access ..... what are they supposed to do? We cannot judge them by what we know, and they don't.
I disagree with gay marriage for all the reasons I've written about, and more. I firmly believe it is against God's plan for each of us, and for those who must endure loneliness during this lifetime, there's something better -- infinitely better -- coming. And we all want that for them.
But in the meantime, we who have what I have, must ... we must .... understand. They don't see what we see. They just want the same things we all want. Who can blame them?
Here I sit, on my high horse, absolutely smothered in blessings that bring me joy and hope. I was allowed to marry the person with whom I fell in love while the world smiled upon our union. We were able to create a family and raise our children together and now happily watch them repeat the pattern. The majority of my life has been textbook-"normal", right out of a sixties sitcom.
So who am I to judge someone who was dealt a different set of cards? Someone who simply wants the same blessings that were given to me.
If I was gay, I'd want what I have now. I'd yearn for it. I might have even fought for it. I'd want the same love and companionship that I have now. I'd want normalcy. I'd want acceptance. I'd want to be a mother.
Yes, I believe in God and that He has the answer. I just don't know, exactly, what it is yet. I believe that, through my faith and religion, I have access to all answers .... or will have .... eventually. But for those people who don't know about that access ..... what are they supposed to do? We cannot judge them by what we know, and they don't.
I disagree with gay marriage for all the reasons I've written about, and more. I firmly believe it is against God's plan for each of us, and for those who must endure loneliness during this lifetime, there's something better -- infinitely better -- coming. And we all want that for them.
But in the meantime, we who have what I have, must ... we must .... understand. They don't see what we see. They just want the same things we all want. Who can blame them?
Monday, June 29, 2015
Truth hurts, Part two
Continuing from the previous post.
I responded with another message:
"I just want to say that your son is very fortunate to have a family and to be in a home where he's loved. You are a blessing to him and he to you. Will he, at some point, want more information about his bio-parents? Most likely. Will he, at some point, wish he had a dad? Possibly. If he does, please don't make him think there's something wrong with him.*** Obviously I don't know him or you, but I know human nature, and I know about raising boys.
(Name withheld), you asked me to explain my opinion and so I did. Then you shot me down for doing so. I am not responsible for human nature. I did not create it. It just is what it is. I spoke the truth and I cannot help if it hurts. There is a difference, beyond the physical, between men and women. We all know it, and society fully recognizes it ....until it comes to raising children and suddenly it has been decided that there is no difference between a mom and dad. I'm saying children need both and one cannot be the other. And neither is expendable. I'm sorry if that's hurtful to you. I can only say it as gently as I can. But I must be honest.
I am not ashamed of my words. You can post them wherever you want and say whatever you choose about them or me. I will not back down. Children cannot speak up so someone has to.
Believe it or not, I wish the best for your family. May your son thrive and be happy. Thanks to you, he has a chance for a good life. I mean that."
***According to personal accounts of those who have lived it, this has happened.
Afterwards she sent a terse note, giving me a thorough tongue-lashing and ended with the instruction to not contact her again. It was not a public message and so, out of respect for her privacy, I won't print it here.
And there you have it. I tried to not color the conversation, but just put it out there. You are free to decide what you think. Hopefully, other conversations are happening, in which all sides are allowed to be heard.
On a positive note, I received a lovely and thoughtful private message from one of the other campers who had seen the exchange in the forum ... thanking me for my "courage and kindness". He was referring to the private message I wrote to her that she published for all to see. (See previous post, link above.) Did his message brighten my day? More than I can say. However, who will brighten her day? And I don't know if that's even possible until enough people embrace her beliefs and all dissenters are completely drowned out. And maybe not even then....
We are on that proverbial slippery slope. And we haven't hit the bottom yet. LBGTs are not bad people, anymore than "Straights" are good. Blanket statements are meaningless. Honestly, my heart goes out to them. I wish there was an easy answer.
Twenty years ago, we never saw the issue of gay marriage coming nor would we have believed it would..... and we can't yet see what's ahead. If not for those eternal truths in which I have placed my faith, I'd be worried .... even scared.
I responded with another message:
"I just want to say that your son is very fortunate to have a family and to be in a home where he's loved. You are a blessing to him and he to you. Will he, at some point, want more information about his bio-parents? Most likely. Will he, at some point, wish he had a dad? Possibly. If he does, please don't make him think there's something wrong with him.*** Obviously I don't know him or you, but I know human nature, and I know about raising boys.
(Name withheld), you asked me to explain my opinion and so I did. Then you shot me down for doing so. I am not responsible for human nature. I did not create it. It just is what it is. I spoke the truth and I cannot help if it hurts. There is a difference, beyond the physical, between men and women. We all know it, and society fully recognizes it ....until it comes to raising children and suddenly it has been decided that there is no difference between a mom and dad. I'm saying children need both and one cannot be the other. And neither is expendable. I'm sorry if that's hurtful to you. I can only say it as gently as I can. But I must be honest.
I am not ashamed of my words. You can post them wherever you want and say whatever you choose about them or me. I will not back down. Children cannot speak up so someone has to.
Believe it or not, I wish the best for your family. May your son thrive and be happy. Thanks to you, he has a chance for a good life. I mean that."
***According to personal accounts of those who have lived it, this has happened.
Afterwards she sent a terse note, giving me a thorough tongue-lashing and ended with the instruction to not contact her again. It was not a public message and so, out of respect for her privacy, I won't print it here.
And there you have it. I tried to not color the conversation, but just put it out there. You are free to decide what you think. Hopefully, other conversations are happening, in which all sides are allowed to be heard.
On a positive note, I received a lovely and thoughtful private message from one of the other campers who had seen the exchange in the forum ... thanking me for my "courage and kindness". He was referring to the private message I wrote to her that she published for all to see. (See previous post, link above.) Did his message brighten my day? More than I can say. However, who will brighten her day? And I don't know if that's even possible until enough people embrace her beliefs and all dissenters are completely drowned out. And maybe not even then....
We are on that proverbial slippery slope. And we haven't hit the bottom yet. LBGTs are not bad people, anymore than "Straights" are good. Blanket statements are meaningless. Honestly, my heart goes out to them. I wish there was an easy answer.
Twenty years ago, we never saw the issue of gay marriage coming nor would we have believed it would..... and we can't yet see what's ahead. If not for those eternal truths in which I have placed my faith, I'd be worried .... even scared.
P.S. Please read this post next.
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Truth hurts sometimes (a spontaneous exchange re: gay marriage)
(I apologize for all the weird highlighting and spacing in this post. Sometimes the blogger program has a mind and will of its own.)
Until one happy camper started a thread about the upcoming Fourth of July holiday including the sacrifices of our forefathers and the Declaration of Independence. Another camper brought up the recent Supreme Court ruling legalizing gay marriage. She and her spouse, who is also a woman, are pleased, as would be expected. Others in the forum expressed cautious concern about the ruling and the possible direction it would take us. As far as I could tell, there was no malice nor personal attacks whatsoever. Just honest opinions, stated politely. Then she said:
"Gee. I didn't believe it was possible to feel bad on a day like today. But I think you guys have managed it. Think I'll take a break for awhile."
And I, who cannot hold my opinion back, spoke up several posts later:
"I am deeply saddened about the direction our beloved country is going and disagree with the recent rulings of the Supreme Court. That said, I strongly believe that everyone, regardless of their opinions and lifestyles, deserves to treated kindly, respectfully, and fairly. Discrimination in jobs, housing, etc., is wrong. That's the person I was taught to be by my Christian faith.
At the same time, that respect must go both ways and I, as one who will always believe in traditional marriage as it has been defined in all major societies throughout history, hope to receive the same respect. And if we ever cross paths in a campground, may we sit around the campfire as friends sharing marshmallows."
Then, a few posts down, I added:
"I think it's pretty great that, in spite of our different opinions, we can come together over our mutual love for camping."
During the course of this conversation, this person quoted me (the part in blue) and asked:
"I want to make sure I understand what you're saying. Do you believe that my family should not have the same protections under the law that your family enjoys?"
About this time another person came on and suggested this conversation be taken to another forum. Good call, on his part. So to respect that, I answered her via a private message: (Quoted in its entirety. Read all, part, or none, if you care.)
"I wish to respectfully answer your question about your family having the same protections under the law, as others.
I would have preferred those protections be achieved legally through a civil union, including the same tax benefits, inheritance, hospital visiting privileges, etc. I don't wish to deny anyone of their constitutional rights or protections. And I understand the desire to spend your life with the one you love. Anyone with a heart sympathizes with that.
But at the same time, I feel very strongly that societies must be set up to give the highest possible protections for the most innocent and voiceless .... children. Children need both their father and their mother, and neither should ever be considered optional or replaceable. I believe God/nature intended it this way, otherwise conception would have been designed differently. I fear that the legalization of gay marriage will lead to more gay parenting where, without exception, the children must sacrifice one parent, in exchange for another. Children should never be expected to pay such a price to suit the needs of an adult. I feel the same about divorce. It should be avoided if at all possible.
Please let me stress .... I am not saying that LGBTs are any less loving and devoted to their children. I believe they can be just as wonderful parents as anyone. But no one, regardless of whom, can completely replace a child's own biological parents. Human beings have an innate attachment to their biological roots. Some may bury it deeply in their soul, but it's there nonetheless and is one of the things that separates us from other life forms. Please also let me stress that I whole-heartedly endorse adoption. In situations where both parents cannot marry and raise their child together, then adoption into a stable, married two-parent home with a mom and a dad, is a blessing from heaven. But never should a child's birth be planned, before conception, to include adoption. That would be putting the desires of the adult ahead of the needs of the child. I also feel that any home with a loving parent is better than no home, for those children who have little to no chance of adoption.
I do not understand how our society values the presence and input of both sexes in places like employment, government, juries, and even in the Supreme Court itself (and how it) acknowledges readily, that there are indeed differences between men and women, otherwise it wouldn't matter if there was a balance of both in any situation. Yet, the presence and input of both sexes in raising a child has been deemed unimportant. This is why the Supreme Court ruling saddens me. I raised three sons and a daughter and know I could not have filled the inevitable void, had they not had their dad too. There were countless times they needed just me, and countless times they needed only him. And without question, they needed both their parents together. They still do.
Finally, as I said in my post, respect and civility are so very important. I can love someone and do all I can to support their family, while disagreeing with their choices or lifestyle. I do not mean to offend or hurt, just to speak the truth as I see it. The needs of children must come first. Our opinions differ, but hopefully, again as I said, if we ever meet, we can still be friends."
Then on the public thread, the conversation veered to hotdogs and other pertinent political leanings with the usual cheerful banter. A few hours later I checked back and found that she had posted my private message in the public forum, along with her response:
"Since you put your oiginal posting here, where it is available for all to see,as I did with my question to you, I feel it is only fair that your reply be posted publicly as well. It is all too convenient to make sweeping statments in public and soften them in private. I have had a stomach full of this in my life.
Your answer tells me that, with all respect, you do not believe that my family is equal to yours. You wish us to have legal protections, but only if we call it something less than what you have. In actuality, we are all "civilly united." Perhaps all marriage licenses should be called that, and those who wish to have a religious designation can seek that somewhere else.
The trouble with making general statements about what you believe, without meaning to offend or hurt, is that you are actually talking about REAL PEOPLE LIKE ME. I am not a concept, or a political ideology. I do not live a "lifestyle" anymore than you live a "lifestyle". This is my actual life. And everytime you say, however "respectfully" that my family is not as good as yours because we don't have a father in the house and that "gay parenting", whatever that is, will never be as good as the parenting in your house, you hurt me. And you hurt my child.
Where your "belief" does not hold water is about the children. I would like to know where the straight mothers and fathers were when my son was lying in an orphanage unwanted by all the mother and father units out there? Oh, but wait! You allow that "any home is better than no home." So, I guess we're better than dirt, at least.
What I am trying to tell you is that we are not talking about having different "opinions" here. This is my life you are talking about. This is our son's life you are talking about. So, please, do not pretend we are merely having a difference of opinion.
Friends are people who are equals. How could I possibly feel welcome around your campfire knowing that you feel our family is second rate? What would we tell our son after we roasted marshmallows over your campfire?
You are, as a free citizen of this country, of course entitled to any thought you would like to have in your head. But the minute you put these things out there for other people to see or hear, it hurts me. And it hurts our son. Just know that."
Soon after that, the thread was closed... which was wise and sad, at the same time. Campers are supposed to be happy, and there was no happiness happening here.
Bottom line: It's human nature to demonize someone you see as your opponent in order to feel better about yourself. We're all tempted to do this once in a while, especially when the facts are not on your side. As long as she can think of me as evil, selfish, unfeeling, or what have you, she feels justified in demonizing my opinion as well. I've seen this happen many times in Liberal/Conservative interactions. We say they are wrong and give facts. They say we are bad and express emotion. And they often get away with it.
So forget about free speech, or the respect for differing opinions. I am "entitled to any thought I would like to have in my head" ...... but not to speak it. Because it might hurt someone's feelings.
Forget speaking up for truth and common sense. Feelings and emotions of the most vocal and militant are all that matter in this sadly upside-down world.
Part two coming.
*********
I am involved in a discussion forum about camping, particularly about camping with travel trailers and other RVs manufactured by one particular company. The conversation among this group of fellow happy campers is typically light, helpful, humorous, and friendly. I love camping. They love camping. Kindred spirits.Until one happy camper started a thread about the upcoming Fourth of July holiday including the sacrifices of our forefathers and the Declaration of Independence. Another camper brought up the recent Supreme Court ruling legalizing gay marriage. She and her spouse, who is also a woman, are pleased, as would be expected. Others in the forum expressed cautious concern about the ruling and the possible direction it would take us. As far as I could tell, there was no malice nor personal attacks whatsoever. Just honest opinions, stated politely. Then she said:
"Gee. I didn't believe it was possible to feel bad on a day like today. But I think you guys have managed it. Think I'll take a break for awhile."
And I, who cannot hold my opinion back, spoke up several posts later:
"I am deeply saddened about the direction our beloved country is going and disagree with the recent rulings of the Supreme Court. That said, I strongly believe that everyone, regardless of their opinions and lifestyles, deserves to treated kindly, respectfully, and fairly. Discrimination in jobs, housing, etc., is wrong. That's the person I was taught to be by my Christian faith.
At the same time, that respect must go both ways and I, as one who will always believe in traditional marriage as it has been defined in all major societies throughout history, hope to receive the same respect. And if we ever cross paths in a campground, may we sit around the campfire as friends sharing marshmallows."
Then, a few posts down, I added:
"I think it's pretty great that, in spite of our different opinions, we can come together over our mutual love for camping."
During the course of this conversation, this person quoted me (the part in blue) and asked:
"I want to make sure I understand what you're saying. Do you believe that my family should not have the same protections under the law that your family enjoys?"
About this time another person came on and suggested this conversation be taken to another forum. Good call, on his part. So to respect that, I answered her via a private message: (Quoted in its entirety. Read all, part, or none, if you care.)
"I wish to respectfully answer your question about your family having the same protections under the law, as others.
I would have preferred those protections be achieved legally through a civil union, including the same tax benefits, inheritance, hospital visiting privileges, etc. I don't wish to deny anyone of their constitutional rights or protections. And I understand the desire to spend your life with the one you love. Anyone with a heart sympathizes with that.
But at the same time, I feel very strongly that societies must be set up to give the highest possible protections for the most innocent and voiceless .... children. Children need both their father and their mother, and neither should ever be considered optional or replaceable. I believe God/nature intended it this way, otherwise conception would have been designed differently. I fear that the legalization of gay marriage will lead to more gay parenting where, without exception, the children must sacrifice one parent, in exchange for another. Children should never be expected to pay such a price to suit the needs of an adult. I feel the same about divorce. It should be avoided if at all possible.
Please let me stress .... I am not saying that LGBTs are any less loving and devoted to their children. I believe they can be just as wonderful parents as anyone. But no one, regardless of whom, can completely replace a child's own biological parents. Human beings have an innate attachment to their biological roots. Some may bury it deeply in their soul, but it's there nonetheless and is one of the things that separates us from other life forms. Please also let me stress that I whole-heartedly endorse adoption. In situations where both parents cannot marry and raise their child together, then adoption into a stable, married two-parent home with a mom and a dad, is a blessing from heaven. But never should a child's birth be planned, before conception, to include adoption. That would be putting the desires of the adult ahead of the needs of the child. I also feel that any home with a loving parent is better than no home, for those children who have little to no chance of adoption.
I do not understand how our society values the presence and input of both sexes in places like employment, government, juries, and even in the Supreme Court itself (and how it) acknowledges readily, that there are indeed differences between men and women, otherwise it wouldn't matter if there was a balance of both in any situation. Yet, the presence and input of both sexes in raising a child has been deemed unimportant. This is why the Supreme Court ruling saddens me. I raised three sons and a daughter and know I could not have filled the inevitable void, had they not had their dad too. There were countless times they needed just me, and countless times they needed only him. And without question, they needed both their parents together. They still do.
Finally, as I said in my post, respect and civility are so very important. I can love someone and do all I can to support their family, while disagreeing with their choices or lifestyle. I do not mean to offend or hurt, just to speak the truth as I see it. The needs of children must come first. Our opinions differ, but hopefully, again as I said, if we ever meet, we can still be friends."
Then on the public thread, the conversation veered to hotdogs and other pertinent political leanings with the usual cheerful banter. A few hours later I checked back and found that she had posted my private message in the public forum, along with her response:
"Since you put your oiginal posting here, where it is available for all to see,as I did with my question to you, I feel it is only fair that your reply be posted publicly as well. It is all too convenient to make sweeping statments in public and soften them in private. I have had a stomach full of this in my life.
Your answer tells me that, with all respect, you do not believe that my family is equal to yours. You wish us to have legal protections, but only if we call it something less than what you have. In actuality, we are all "civilly united." Perhaps all marriage licenses should be called that, and those who wish to have a religious designation can seek that somewhere else.
The trouble with making general statements about what you believe, without meaning to offend or hurt, is that you are actually talking about REAL PEOPLE LIKE ME. I am not a concept, or a political ideology. I do not live a "lifestyle" anymore than you live a "lifestyle". This is my actual life. And everytime you say, however "respectfully" that my family is not as good as yours because we don't have a father in the house and that "gay parenting", whatever that is, will never be as good as the parenting in your house, you hurt me. And you hurt my child.
Where your "belief" does not hold water is about the children. I would like to know where the straight mothers and fathers were when my son was lying in an orphanage unwanted by all the mother and father units out there? Oh, but wait! You allow that "any home is better than no home." So, I guess we're better than dirt, at least.
What I am trying to tell you is that we are not talking about having different "opinions" here. This is my life you are talking about. This is our son's life you are talking about. So, please, do not pretend we are merely having a difference of opinion.
Friends are people who are equals. How could I possibly feel welcome around your campfire knowing that you feel our family is second rate? What would we tell our son after we roasted marshmallows over your campfire?
You are, as a free citizen of this country, of course entitled to any thought you would like to have in your head. But the minute you put these things out there for other people to see or hear, it hurts me. And it hurts our son. Just know that."
Soon after that, the thread was closed... which was wise and sad, at the same time. Campers are supposed to be happy, and there was no happiness happening here.
Bottom line: It's human nature to demonize someone you see as your opponent in order to feel better about yourself. We're all tempted to do this once in a while, especially when the facts are not on your side. As long as she can think of me as evil, selfish, unfeeling, or what have you, she feels justified in demonizing my opinion as well. I've seen this happen many times in Liberal/Conservative interactions. We say they are wrong and give facts. They say we are bad and express emotion. And they often get away with it.
So forget about free speech, or the respect for differing opinions. I am "entitled to any thought I would like to have in my head" ...... but not to speak it. Because it might hurt someone's feelings.
Forget speaking up for truth and common sense. Feelings and emotions of the most vocal and militant are all that matter in this sadly upside-down world.
Part two coming.
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